After this week's debacle, The DaddyMan has issued a response.
NPR just reported on the possible apprehension of the elusive and omnipresent DaddyMan.
According to a source close to J. Edgar Hoover's C.I.A., Seal Team 18 (which is a team three times better than Seal Team Six) has bound, gagged (and who knows what else) The DaddyMan. President Obama is reportedly on board Air Force One, whose in flight movie is Harrison Ford's 'Air Force One,' en route to the current location of The DaddyMan for personal interrogation and a face slap with a dead fish.
Witnesses say that The DaddyMan was seen entering a Dave and Busters where the sign is partially burnt out and displays as "Dave and Busts." According to ramblings, The DaddyMan believed this to be a strip club featuring The DaddyMan's current favorite rapper, Dave.
Hours later, upon figuring out the establishment's true nature as family friendly, The DaddyMan was asked to put his clothes back on and leave. The DaddyMan instantly responded with force. He reportedly punched out Chris Brown, shouted obscenities before speaking in tongues.
Seal Team 18 and 19 were immediately called. The DaddyMan, after causing such a ruckus, went into the bathroom. This is where he was taken. Ironically, he was on the phone with Liam Neeson.
President Obama has renounced the disgusting mistreatment of the DaddyMan. Apparently, Seal Team 20 took the Daddy down into their cellar and began messing with him. Taking derogatory photos and singing hurtful songs.
It has now been discovered that the captive has been identified as this man:
Wright, age 26, was blood-tested, swabbed through every crevice, twice, and finger printed-tested. He showed no signs of Daddy and has been released with a sizable compensation from the team (paid bar tabs) to an undisclosed location.
President Obama has held a quick, passing press conference in an unaired C-Span pre-show.
Matthew has been released back into the wild, the DaddyMan is still on the loose, and this has been a colossal waste of time and tax payer money. This whole operation has delved the country into more debt and will go down as worse than the "Bay of Pigs."