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The DaddyMan once became so powerful that he split...like an amoeba. Now, like Lucifer, Greatness believes he can overpower the DaddyMan, so DaddyMan takes it upon himself to merge back with Greatness. Here's what happened:
After this week's debacle, The DaddyMan has issued a response.
NPR just reported on the possible apprehension of the elusive and omnipresent DaddyMan.
According to a source close to J. Edgar Hoover's C.I.A., Seal Team 18 (which is a team three times better than Seal Team Six) has bound, gagged (and who knows what else) The DaddyMan. President Obama is reportedly on board Air Force One, whose in flight movie is Harrison Ford's 'Air Force One,' en route to the current location of The DaddyMan for personal interrogation and a face slap with a dead fish.
Witnesses say that The DaddyMan was seen entering a Dave and Busters where the sign is partially burnt out and displays as "Dave and Busts." According to ramblings, The DaddyMan believed this to be a strip club featuring The DaddyMan's current favorite rapper, Dave.
Hours later, upon figuring out the establishment's true nature as family friendly, The DaddyMan was asked to put his clothes back on and leave. The DaddyMan instantly responded with force. He reportedly punched out Chris Brown, shouted obscenities before speaking in tongues.
Seal Team 18 and 19 were immediately called. The DaddyMan, after causing such a ruckus, went into the bathroom. This is where he was taken. Ironically, he was on the phone with Liam Neeson.
President Obama has renounced the disgusting mistreatment of the DaddyMan. Apparently, Seal Team 20 took the Daddy down into their cellar and began messing with him. Taking derogatory photos and singing hurtful songs.
It has now been discovered that the captive has been identified as this man:
Wright, age 26, was blood-tested, swabbed through every crevice, twice, and finger printed-tested. He showed no signs of Daddy and has been released with a sizable compensation from the team (paid bar tabs) to an undisclosed location.
President Obama has held a quick, passing press conference in an unaired C-Span pre-show.
Matthew has been released back into the wild, the DaddyMan is still on the loose, and this has been a colossal waste of time and tax payer money. This whole operation has delved the country into more debt and will go down as worse than the "Bay of Pigs."
We are currently reviewing all options of possible villains to appear in the sequel. What kind of being would prove to be too much for The Avengers? Who would make them more of an underdog than Loki did? Who could bring them to the absolute point of crushing defeat. Our staff is trying to bring The DaddyMan to this world. We think he has the charisma as well as the menace and unlimited power that could rattle the very foundations of our world. He would be the reason we call upon The Avengers once more.
The DaddyMan is a mysterious being. But one of the biggest mysteries that people have been trying for ages to solve is what happens in the off season. The DaddyMan is a fantasy football entity, but once the Super Bowl ends, the DaddyMan seems to drop off the face of the Earth. Some people thinks he lives as a recluse who prepares for his next season at the bottom of an ocean. Many other people think he ascends into space and plays fantasy football in other galaxies. But there are numerous DaddyMan sightings that seem to be popping up everywhere in the pacific northeast. Could he be hibernating up there?
These are pictures we believe are solid evidence.
Jorge-George Georgia, 33, of Portland claims to have spotted the DaddyMan eating at a Missy's Diner in the picture above. Here, it appears the DaddyMan is checking his phone. He also seems to be eating meals that serve for two, which means, The DaddyMan gets insatiably hungry during the off-season.
Nobody knows what he's doing in the off-season. Perhaps, to not be seen, he attends Kansas City Royals games. We don't know for sure, but we will find the truth!
This doesn't have anything to do with the DaddyMan, but fuck it.
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